it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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