recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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