That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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