I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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