Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my sisters under your porch take her home
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
