i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
