so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
