nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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