home. puking in laundry basket.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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