Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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