I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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