how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drake has all the answers
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
