Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
