Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
