I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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