wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
