he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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