Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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