this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
