doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
