my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
