don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
