Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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