if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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