I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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