also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
