Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
