that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
