Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
