like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
