put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
