They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Holy sore nipples Batman
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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