you guys were way drunker than both of me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
