Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
