Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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