i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
