The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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