so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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