i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
