there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
