i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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