You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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