I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
