Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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