u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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