i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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