Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
