I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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