and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
