Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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