You really coming over, don't trick.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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