Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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