they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
