I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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