I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
