I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There are leaves in my underwear?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize