I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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