I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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