I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
