they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
