We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize