also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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