i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Bring me that man meat
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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