Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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