just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
