she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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