You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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