So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
