Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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