We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
