i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
