he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
