haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
