I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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