if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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