so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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