You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Two words: blizzard sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
