VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
