I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
