so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
